


Break those knots

by lets_winwin



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Jealousy, M/M, Mentioned Dong Si Cheng | WinWin, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 19:37:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16750330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lets_winwin/pseuds/lets_winwin
Summary: [ this a re-upload from my old account @mimnen (tens_across_the_board) ]





	Break those knots

**Author's Note:**

> [ this a re-upload from my old account @mimnen (tens_across_the_board) ]

Ten knew he had a slight resting bitch-face.

But he didn't think he looked too "done" as he crossed his arms and looked into nothingness while others around him ate, drank and laughed loudly. But apparently he did indeed look quite uncomfortable, and others began to notice.

'Is everything alright?' Yuta, who was sat next to him asked with a whisper while the younger members laughed loudly because of some joke that Haechan had made. Due to his tensed muscles and rising headache, Ten flinched slightly as someone hit their fist against the table.

'I'm alright.' He then smiled, bringing his glass of water against his lips and taking a sip. Yuta didn't seem too convinced as he continued to stare at his friend for a moment, leaving his hand on his shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze. Yuta threw a look towards Taeyong, who was sat on the other side of the room, on a different table.

There were good and not so good things when it came to promoting with so many people. Ten used to think that sharing a dorm with around 8 members was hard, but moving from one place to another when promoting NCT 2018 together was a whole other task, that seemed impossible at times.

They had just finished their recording of Weekly Idol in the small white basement, that was just as fancy as it sounded. Ten didn't really wonder why the old MC's decided to quit their jobs, as the studio air was filled with a weird scent and breathing felt like a struggle.

Ten was also beyond nervous when they announced that they would be filming an episode with Weekly Idol. Ten knew how popular the show was, and how much their fans wanted them to appear in the show together.

So he was under a lot of pressure when filming that episode, and he also felt so anxious and nervous during the whole filming. He really shouldn't have felt that nervous, as there were literally seventeen other members there next to him, who took most of the attention away from him. Like he wanted at the time.

Taeyong and Mark where the ones in the spotlight the most, and Haechan was the one praised during the dance cover corner, so he didn't have to worry that much about his own part. He did however get a small moment under the spotlight when others decided that he was the best dancer, and he did a small dance battle with Taeil. His part lasted for a few seconds, but his heart beat like crazy for the next multiple minutes.

Ten's eyes shifted from their table, to the one next to theirs. Taeyong's laughter was clear in the small restaurant tonight, as he was happy with how the recording went, and Ten was happy for him. But, he couldn't help but feel ignored in a way. As he watched the other wrap his arms around WinWin's slender shoulders and laugh against his neck.

 

-

 

All the scents, noises and the bad lighting inside the small Korean restaurant was making his head feel dull, due to the starting headache as well.

After everyone had mostly finished their meals, and the managers and assistants had left to smoke outside, Ten took his moment to quietly leave their table and escape into the restroom for a moment.

He washed his hands, that still felt cold and clammy from his previous anxious state. He took one look of himself from the mirror, seeing the worn off makeup and slightly messed up hair full of hairspray. He wanted nothing more than to just wash his face in the sink right then and there, and not care that his stylist would get mad at him, or that the fan sites would take pictures of his bare face.

But he held himself back from doing that, and instead dried his hands and excited the restroom.

Before even entering the restaurant again, Ten could already hear the loud noises of his members, squinting his eyes as he made his way to their table again.

Having a total of eighteen members, plus all the staff taking care of them, meant that they had a lot of people in their party. They filled the whole small restaurant and all of the tables, which happened at every restaurant that they went to. That was why they needed to make reservations beforehand, so everyone could fit and that the restaurant knew to make big proportions of food in preparation. It was always a big hassle to do anything with so many members.

They left the restaurant in groups, usually in the same ones that they came in, but this time others wanted to stay in the restaurant for a moment more, while others had to leave early. Like the youngest ones of the group, who still had school in the morning.

Ten of course wanted to leave early, and got up from his seat as soon as he saw one of their manager finish his food.

Jungwoo looked slightly confused, as he and Ten shared the same car while coming to the restaurant from the recording, and remembered how they promised to share the ride back to their dorm as well. Ten threw an apologetic look towards him as he took his backpack and coat before he followed their manager to one of their cars.

They exited through the back, leading them to a quiet alley that was blocked of with a gate that you couldn't see through. This was so they were protected from the passionate fans who would take pictures of them whenever they got the chance.

Ten followed their manager outside, looking at his phone while he did so. He almost dropped the damn thing when he was grabbed and turned around. He let out a surprised sound, holding onto his phone tightly in case he would drop it by accident.

Ten blinked his eyes a few times, bringing a finger up to push his glasses back higher against his nose bridge. Ten looked down at their feet, slowly pulling his sleeve back to himself, away from the others grasp.

'Are you alright?' Taeyong asked, looking at Ten who began to walk away slowly. 'Ten.' He called out again, sighing as the other didn't give him any reaction.

Taeyong let his arms fall to his side, sighing as he span around once. Thinking if he should follow the other into the car, or go back inside the restaurant where all of his belongings were. Taeyong stood in front of the restaurants backdoor, looking at Ten who refused to meet his eyes even when he could tell he was looking at him.

Taeyong nodded his head. He saw how it was.

He sighed.

 

-

 

Taeyong didn't know what to call "them", as there really wasn't a "them" yet. It was just him and Ten.

But there were times when it wasn't just him and Ten, and instead they spoke of "us".

Taeyong remembers the jokes that came from the two of them sharing hugs, longing looks and kisses on the cheek. It was all just for fun, and because he liked the others company. Or that was what he was trying to keep telling himself, because Taeyong couldn't actually share such feelings towards someone, right?

He came to the decision, that yes he can, many months ago. After Ten had left Korea to go and heal back in home because of his operated knee. He never had to be away from the other until now, and no matter how much he worked and tried to keep his mind busy, his mind kept coming back to the Thai boy who made him smile wider than anyone else.

Taeyong can actually pinpoint the exact moment when he began feeling something towards the other, which was years ago when the two of them were chosen to play as a couple as a punishment. Taeyong too played along like it was a joke, but he couldn't help but notice the beating of his own heart and how his mouth dried up whenever Ten's hand squeezed his a little harder.

He remembers vividly how the others chanted for them to kiss each other, and how Ten's cheeks blushed with a faint shade of pink and how his own hands turned sweaty. Hadn't it been for the people, cameras and the knowing that it wasn't real, perhaps Taeyong would have connected their lips like he wanted.

It took a year before that actually happened.

Taeyong doesn't remember how they ended up there, but it was a hot summer day and they had climbed up to the roof top of their apartment complex. Which was very dangerous and forbidden for obvious reasons, but the view was breath taking and the cool wind helped them survive through the hot evening.

They spoke for hours, topic changing from how Taeyong missed his mom's cooking and how Ten had missed his little sisters graduation back home. They were both young and felt alone.

The kiss was nothing more but a quick peck against each others lips, and shy smiles afterwards. But it stayed in each others minds for months to come. And they both know they still think of it sometimes these days.

As they grew slightly older, debuted and began working as idols, their lives changed and so did their relationship.

Taeyong became popular right from the start and had work pouring in from every tv station. He was wanted and looked up to. Ten didn't experience that for a while.

It was somewhere between having debuted and right before Ten began performing in 'Hit the Stage' that he and Taeyong found each other again, in heated touches and hurried kisses.

 

-

 

They all experienced sore joints and muscle pain, but Ten had to go to physical therapy twice a week and spread cooling lotions to almost every inch of his skin before sleeping unless he wanted to wake up feeling like every single one of his muscles were on fire.

He could simply just quit dancing and enjoy a pain free life, but he wouldn't be really living then. Instead, Ten suffered through the pain, sweat and tears. But having broken his knee once already, he didn't know how longer he could keep up like this.

It was worries like this, that sometimes kept him up through the whole night.

Taeyong knew the other had a lot to worry, and he knew what that felt like as a leader. He too had his own concerns for his future, and all of theirs. He usually kept those worries inside his own head, but he knew how hard it was to keep all that bottled up inside. It wasn't healthy, so that is why he usually offered his ears for others so he could listen to their worries. Many came to him for advice and to tell what was on their minds, but some needed a push. Taeyong knew Ten had a lot in his mind, but he wouldn't come to him. So it was only natural that he went to him instead.

 

-

 

Ten was tired.

He felt annoyed and stressed, even after taking his shower. Maybe that was because he had to wait so long to get into the bathroom, because they were all taken by the younger members. When he finally got inside the bathroom, he enjoyed a long hot shower to help with his tight muscles. It didn't take long before someone was knocking against the door, asking for him to hurry.

Ten hopped out of the shower, dried off his clean hair and wrapped the towel around him before exiting the bathroom. Lucas quickly moved past him, going into the bathroom with a 'thank you'.

Ten marched to his room, going to his nightstand that held many of his important things. The most important being his lotion, that eased his muscle pain and helped him sleep better. It wasn't there.

Sighing, Ten moved from his room, back to the bathroom and knocked on the door.

'Hey Lucas, will you check the counter for me? Is there a bottle of lotion there?' Ten asked, hearing the shower running and Lucas move in there. There was a pause, as the water stopped running and as Lucas most likely stepped outside the shower to check the counter in front of the mirror.

'No, i'm sorry but there is nothing here.' Lucas then said behind the door, soon going back to take his shower and Ten yelled his thanks through the door. He turned around, folding his arms and looking at the wall in front of him. He tried to remember, where on earth did he put it when he last used it the previous evening. He couldn't remember. As he always put it inside the drawer next to his bed. But as it had gone missing, Ten had no idea where he could have put it.

He began to think what to do. He could call their manager, asking him to go and grab another one from the pharmacy. But then he would need to come and get the prescription given to him by a doctor. Without it, he wouldn't be able to get the lotion. And Ten was pretty sure that the pharmacy had already been closed for today, as it was so late already.

So he didn't really have a lot of options at the moment. He decided to go and ask Yuta, if he had seen the lotion, since he usually hanged around in his room. So he went ahead and asked, but the other hadn't seen it. He had the nerve to ask if Ten used the lotion for, odd purposes but he ignored the joke. If anyone had taken his lotion, and used it for said odd purposes, then they would have to deal with having a numb penis for a few hours.

Ten asked others too, and Jungwoo nor Mark had no idea where it could be.

Ten was about to give up, when Taeil popped up from the living room couch. 'I saw Taeyong come out of your room earlier today. Maybe he saw it or took it?'

Ten blinked a few times, staring at the other. Why would Taeyong take it? Just to mess around with him even more?

Ten knew getting jealous was stupid, especially about someone like WinWin. The other after all was head over heels smitten by Yuta, and the two were pretty much a thing known by everyone. WinWin was loved by everyone, even Ten himself, so he knew how everyone liked to hang around with the other. Yuta didn't get jealous, and Ten admired the other for that, seeing how much WinWin sometimes spent time with others. Perhaps Ten could learn from him.

Sighing in defeat, Ten knew where he head to go.

He headed towards the room that Taeyong stayed in, hoping to find his lotion and get back to his room as quick as possible. If he was lucky, Taeyong might be taking a shower right now so he doesn't have to see him.

Just in case the other wasn't taking a shower and was still inside the room, Ten decided to be nice and at least knock on the door. There wasn't any answer for a while, and Ten managed to get his hopes all up for a second, until he heard the other speak.

'I am assuming that you're looking for this?' Taeyong asked, seated on his bed, a novel book placed next to him as if he had been reading it. Ten knew well enough that the other only read comics. In his lap, was his precious bottle of lotion.

'I am.' Ten murmured, standing with his arms folded. 'And i really would want you to give it back.' He added as he finally lifted his head higher so he would see the other.

Taeyong always looked good, but there was something about him just looking comfortable, and having just taken a shower. His hair was still damp and the small drops of water made marks on his grey t-shirt.

'I will.' Taeyong then said, moving from his bed and getting up. 'But on one condition.' He then quickly added.

Ten stayed quiet, finding the situation slightly laughable, as Taeyong thought he was in control of the situation. When in fact Ten could just grab the bottle and leave. He didn't need to stay and listen to whatever Taeyong had in mind, as he was not in the mood for it tonight. But for some reason he decided to just stay and listen.

'I will give you the bottle.' Taeyong continued. 'But only if i can help you. And you will tell me what happened in the restaurant.'

Ten rolled his eyes slightly, seeing that Taeyong was still oblivious to what he had done that had upset him. Also because he thought that Ten would let him help him with the lotion.

'Look, i don't need your help with this.' Ten spoke, attempting to take the lotion from the others hand, but failing as Taeyong moved his hand. 'And also, if you can't see what made me upset today, then i suggest that you think about it long and hard for a moment.' He added after his failed attempt.

'I do know what upset you.' Taeyong then said, voice much more clear and words articulated. He was beginning to loose his calm, and so was Ten. But neither of them wanted to fight.

There was laughter coming from behind the walls, as the others played some game in the living room. Taeyong sighed as he turned to Ten again.

'Look. I am sorry.' He said. 'I didn't realize that what i was doing was hurting you.' Perhaps he had more to say, but Ten didn't want to hear it for some reason. He suddenly felt the need to fight back with words.

'You didn't. But i guess that you didn't realize i was there at all to begin with.' Ten said.

Taeyong's face turned with a feeling of hurt. 'Don't say that. Of course i saw you there.' He sighed. 'It's just that- well, i just-' He stuttered with his words, chocking on them and eventually sighing.

Ten looked down at his feet, slightly swaying from side to side. 'I don't even know why i am attacking you like this.' He murmured. 'Like, what is the point?' He added, looking back up at the other.

'I want to say that i was upset and jealous because you were so close with WinWin tonight, but why? Of course you can be with him. I just felt this, some kind of way when i saw you two together that made me... so sad.'

Taeyong stayed quiet, but continued to look at him with an apologetic look. Ten sighed and continued.

'I feel that way a lot lately, since i came back to Korea. Whenever i see a happy couple walking down the street, or some of our members being together so lovingly, i just feel empty inside. I also feel happy for them, but i can't word that out because all that would come out would just sound bitter.'

Ten let his hands fall down to his side, slightly hopelessly as he tried to come up with the words. Translating them in his head from Thai, to English and then into Korean. A slight smile spread on his lips as he tried to bite back the hopeless feeling growing inside of him, his eyes already watering.

'I just, miss what we had.'

Saying those words out loud was enough to make him break down.

Having held it in for months was a job on it's own, and finally being able to say it out loud with the person who those words were targeted towards was a whole other thing. Even with his eyes closed, the tears would not stop flowing.

'It's stupid.' He laughed, attempting to brush off the tears that were staining his face with shaky hands. 'I don't even know why i am crying, but i just am.'

Taeyong had stayed quiet for all this time, and Ten was afraid to now even open his eyes, as if he were to open them the other wasn't even there. And that this was just one of Ten's many dreams.

Ten swallowed once, breathing becoming heavy and tough as the tears would just keep coming. He felt like sobbing out, but couldn't before the others eyes.

'I don't even know what we had back then, or what we were, but i just know i miss it. I miss it so much.'

It physically hurt him. The words stinging his heart and burning his eyes as he said them. Those were the words that had been locked somewhere inside of him for quite some time, making his heart heavy and mind blurry whenever he was with Taeyong.

He felt jealousy and guilt whenever he saw the other happy, with someone else. He isolated himself from everyone, in the hopes of forgetting him and what they used to have. But Ten could never forget Taeyong and what they went through. And neither could he.

Ten's hands were not covering his face, small sobs escaping his lips as his shoulders shook with each cry. But he didn't have to cry alone, as he soon felt a pair of arms wrap around his smaller frame.

Taeyong didn't say anything, as he just held onto Ten. His hands making soothing circles against this back and hushing against his ear quietly. Ten hated crying in front of anyone, so he felt embarrassed. But he didn't let that show and instead let all his bottled emotions pour out one by one.

Ten was sure that he heard the door open at some point, as probably one of the members came in to see what was going on. The sound of the tv had quieted down during this time. Ten didn't need to take care of it, as Taeyong made sure that whoever came in worried left quickly and knew of the situation.

It took a while, but at some point Ten was able to open his eyes. He was pressed up against Taeyong's shoulder, his tears having stained the grey shirt the other was wearing. Taeyong's soft touch and quiet heart beat made it easier for him to calm down, his red puffy eyes drying slowly.

Ten stayed still for a moment more. Honestly just enjoying being in Taeyong's arms again. It had been way too long since he was this close to the other. Perhaps even a year.

Being alone at home in Thailand was supposed to be healing for him. But instead he kept feeling nervous most of the time. The condition of his knee was bad. He didn't know if he could ever continue dancing again. He wanted to talk about that with someone. Someone who understood him well enough.

He wanted to do many things when it came to being with Taeyong. He wanted to hold him like this. Be with him. Just hearing his voice talk with him for hours like they did when they were only trainees. When they were still just kids, figuring things out.

Taeyong adjusted the way his head was leaning against Ten's letting out a puff of air through his nose that tickled the hair on top of Ten's head.

'I missed this too.' He murmured, voice sounding raspy and raw. Ten pulled away slowly to see that he hadn't been the only one shedding tears.

Ten smiled sadly, reaching to brush way the tears that had collected at the corner of Taeyong's eye.

Staring at each other for a while, just in silence, reminded Ten of a time when the two of them were seated on the roof tiles of their old dorm. The moment underneath the falling evening sky and the warm summer wind blowing through their hair. The way their trembling lips first made contact. It was unforgettable.

'Taeyong, what are we?' Ten then asked, staring deep into the others eyes.

'I don't know.' Taeyong said honestly. 'I am not sure what we are.'

His hands fiddled with Ten's hand that he was holding onto tightly. Fingers spinning the ring around his finger that was left there from their shoot. Taeyong eventually stopped, entwining his own hand with Ten's.

'But i am ready to figure that out now.' He murmured. 'No more waiting. Neither of us are made for that.'

Ten smiled, eyes still slightly red. 'Yeah, we aren't.'

No more waiting.

That sounded lovely in Ten's head.

The thought of finally being able to speak freely and be with Taeyong again, without having to fear that he wasn't feeling the same way as him. That was all cleared now.

Taeyong knew how much Ten hated feeling jealous now, and he would do his best to make sure that there wouldn't be any misunderstandings when it came to being not with each other. Ten would make sure to keep his cool and understand that it was alright to hang out with other people, as he too did that.

The air around him felt clearer now, as Ten no longer felt angry or bitter towards Taeyong. The earlier feelings of hate that was nested deep inside his chest was forgotten and let free. He didn't need to feel jealous or rejected.

Taeyong cared about him just as much as Ten cared about him.

He loved him just as much he loved him.

He kissed back just as gently as he did.

**Author's Note:**

> [ my twitter @mimmelil ]


End file.
